steph

today (just now in fact) i got a bit of a lesson in how history works.

It's selective

by those who write it down. they select what they think is important. they select who they think is important. some time ago when few people could read and write they could just make it up. Certainly word of mouth survives a certain amount of time, but soon that turns into rumour, gossip and myth. Nowadays you'd think with high literacy levels people at least have a method to check things and argue. But then there is this fabulous new medium called the internet. It stores information. Some true, some not so true. Anybody can now basically write about anything. Which is a good thing as it supports democracy. But then...there is also a lot of rubbish out there. I wonder whether at some point it will become impossible to distinguish between what's true and what's not quite so true (nevermind selection as much as outright lying). are people just gonna believe what they deem to be true or what is most suitable? but then again...most people do that anyway. makes you wonder though how much of history actually happened the way we think it did and how much is 'interpreted'.

why am i writing about this...today i got deselected...

it's really weird isn't it. Every monday morning people wish it was already friday again. We often say that we just wish this day would be over now. Constantly people wanting time to move along quicker, usually because they have to endure some tedious task, an unpleasant situation or maybe even something exciting to look forward to and can't wait for it to happen.

I do that all the time, but actually I don't really want the time to pass. I feel like I'm running out of time. Before I came to England I had all these big plans, that by the time I'm 25 I had my career all set up, probably pocketed an oscar or two and would generally have just about accomplished the most impossible things (as you do). Well, now i am nearly 26 and, funnily enough, somehow reality looks a little bit different. Not that i mind, my life's not all bad, despite what my continuous whinging leaves to believe.

But I just wonder...there wouldn't have been any time to do all these things, or would there? I dont know. Maybe I've just procrastinated for too long and sort of ignored the fact that eventually i might actually be getting too old for things (however scary that may sound). But I really am still thinking along the lines of 'when i grow up i wanna be a...', yet again comforting myself in total oblivion that I actually have already reached that stage. I guess. oh, pants.

today i shall be ranting about cowards.

coward no 1
i recently did a gig in a school and it was a total disaster. the lady was not very precise in her instructions in the first place and actually gave me wrong information about what she wanted me to do. Anyway, I arrived there and it was shit. She wasn't being very helpful and I just wished for the day to end as quickly as possible and ideally disappear from my mind altogether.

She gave me a heque on the day. I banked it the next day. Now this was about a week ago. Today I get a letter telling me that the school had stopped the payment. Now there are a few things to be said about this. Firstly: they hired me they have to pay. Secondly: if they decided for any reason that they didn't like what I was doing, fair enough, but tell me so and don't let me bank the frigging cheque, which then gets taken out of my account again, which means that my account was temporarily in debt (which I have to pay for) and hope the whole thing will just go away. Not even a letter, phone call. Just stopped the payment. I travelled for ages to get to that gig, slept in the car and they do not even have the decency of a letter. I am totally shocked and not really sure how to react to the whole thing. I've written another letter, telling them about this and hoping the whole thing is just an unfortunate mistake (yeah, likely!!). I hate dealing with things like this.

Coward No 2
He is in a relationship and constantly goes off with other girls. Se doesn't seem to have a clue about it (or at least knows nothing definite), but EVERYONE else knows. Now,, if that would be me I'd like to know please that my partner is shagging around and give him a damn good hiding. But nobody is telling her, because we all feel a bit akward about the whole thing. I really think she ought to know, but just telling her would be useless, cos he would just deny and she'd believe him etc. blabla. I really don't know what to do with this. I don't know her that well and have no idea how she'd react. But the whole situation is just horrible.

Why are people so horrible to each other on purpose???