steph

my housemate from hell just had the biggest hissy-fit in history. i am not really too sure how it happened, but the picture that stuck in my head after another housemate had asked her to do the dishes (again!) was the following: she stormed to the sink, took the dry plates and threw them in a frisbee-sort-of-manner into the cupboard, took a handful of cutlery and smashed it into the draw, then she shouted something incomprehensible (about barbeques ...??), turned herself a few times with her hands wildly gesticulating in the air and finally left the room.

now dont get me wrong, i dont like to do the dishes, but having such a reaction to it, well, i dont know. anyway. now she is in a right mood. to resolve the problem she stormed back in the kitchen and took everything that was hers back into her room. hm, maybe she wants to wash it there...

without wanting to seem cruel, but i really quite enjoyed that scene. she was doing my head in for ages and after many an argument with her i finally gave up and just let her be, counting the days until our sharing-a-flat-committment would come to an end. and today it was really nice to see someone else having a go at her and getting the same useless response.

it is only a few weeks now and she will not be in my life anymore and annoy somebody else, well, until september that is, when we come back for college. apropos, only a few weeks left in college. our end-of-year-show is tomorrow. can you believe it. tomorrow. nobody is feeling particularly excited about it yet, despite my efforts today of spreading happy thoughts. but i will get there. it is actually quite a nice show and i'm looking forward to it. let's hope the mood picks up.

i had a really good day today, reflecting on it. a day in the theatre, a proper argument at home (without being too closely involved) and now i am going to a staff meeting. boring? well, on the agenda today...cocktail training.

i am having a bit of a crisis recently with the whole acting business, so i think i am going to change trades and try myself as a model...

...haha, not really. dont think anyone would appreciate that much, but my housemate is a student of photography (rachael conway) and frequently uses me as an 'object'. the picture that has hopefully uploaded properly here is the latest example. cool, ey?

random note #1
after having a really gloomy week i am feeling loads better now, the problems are still the same, but my attitude towards them is changing. sorry for worrying people with the last post and thanks for your concern.

random note #2
i am going to bremen for a couple of days in the beginning of june, so if anyone i know is there, too...let's do coffee. glad to say i am out of there before the world cup starts, escaping the mayhem.

random note #3
our show, the one which has been causing me so many headaches, is going ahead: 31st may and 1st june at the college, 7pm, £2. it's all about shakespeare. and after that...holiday!!!

we all know that life in general isnt fair. but why do we keep believing that good things will come our way? we keep hoping, we need to hope in order to keep going, although deep down we know that it doesnt really matter.

i think i will give up hope. it is deceiving. it makes you believe in things, wanting them to come true, hoping endlessly. but when the longed for, hoped for things dont occur it feels as if the world is going down. the shattering of hope is deafening, the disappointment paralysing.

i dont want to be disappointed anymore. it drains the energy, and everytime it gets harder to pick myself up, building up the hope again, only to face the same upsetting truth.

it is hard not to hope, hard not to have expectations and wishing for things, but i really do think i should give it up. maybe only for a while to re-charge the batteries, but if you dont expect anything at least you cant get disappointed.

hope is passive, and i dont think i wanna be that anymore.

i cant believe its finally summer. i have been waiting so so long. it was sunny, blue skies, warm. great day. i bought rasberries and strawberries. lovely.

i even got stuff done, householdy and collegy things and i am still in a good mood. and now to top it off i finally finally managed to have a good run of backcrosses at juggling. everything went fluently and i learned loads.

why cant all days be as good as this, relaxed, smooth, successful and just lovely.