11050

it's a long slow windy road

since there has been some more or less dramatic change to my life (illness to keep it short), which is forcing me to stay at home for the next few months in order to deal with, i do have an exorbitant amount of time on my hands (dealing with it doesn't take up all that much of my day, even though i am trying very hard). so i thought, yet again, to best use this time doing something i have been meaning to do for ages - writing. not just a blog or notes or somesuch, but to actually make some real progress with that novel of mine that has been patiently waiting on my laptop. Every now and then i give it a quick glance, shake off the dust and remind me of what i have generated so far. And, like a good friend, it sits there, waiting, hoping for some tender loving care, whenever the urge strikes me.

well, i have decided to be a decidedly better friend to that dear friend of mine. the aim is completion. by christmas. no. really.

today's word count: 10482

wish me luck

well well well...

there used to be a time when i was rather motivated to update this blog on a continuous basis, but somehow it seems i failed. my last entry was ages ago and i am not even inclined to look for an excuse. these things just happen. the sudden urge to maybe make another attempt at this arose after reading another friend's blog, which she maintains very regularly to keep us updated of her wonderful new life. admittedly, she has a lot more happening in her life at the moment than i do and possibly more interesting things to talk about (hello karin in lovely paris...)

but yes, maybe this is a good time to spread my thoughts into the ether again. we'll see.

so long
for now

today (just now in fact) i got a bit of a lesson in how history works.

It's selective

by those who write it down. they select what they think is important. they select who they think is important. some time ago when few people could read and write they could just make it up. Certainly word of mouth survives a certain amount of time, but soon that turns into rumour, gossip and myth. Nowadays you'd think with high literacy levels people at least have a method to check things and argue. But then there is this fabulous new medium called the internet. It stores information. Some true, some not so true. Anybody can now basically write about anything. Which is a good thing as it supports democracy. But then...there is also a lot of rubbish out there. I wonder whether at some point it will become impossible to distinguish between what's true and what's not quite so true (nevermind selection as much as outright lying). are people just gonna believe what they deem to be true or what is most suitable? but then again...most people do that anyway. makes you wonder though how much of history actually happened the way we think it did and how much is 'interpreted'.

why am i writing about this...today i got deselected...

it's really weird isn't it. Every monday morning people wish it was already friday again. We often say that we just wish this day would be over now. Constantly people wanting time to move along quicker, usually because they have to endure some tedious task, an unpleasant situation or maybe even something exciting to look forward to and can't wait for it to happen.

I do that all the time, but actually I don't really want the time to pass. I feel like I'm running out of time. Before I came to England I had all these big plans, that by the time I'm 25 I had my career all set up, probably pocketed an oscar or two and would generally have just about accomplished the most impossible things (as you do). Well, now i am nearly 26 and, funnily enough, somehow reality looks a little bit different. Not that i mind, my life's not all bad, despite what my continuous whinging leaves to believe.

But I just wonder...there wouldn't have been any time to do all these things, or would there? I dont know. Maybe I've just procrastinated for too long and sort of ignored the fact that eventually i might actually be getting too old for things (however scary that may sound). But I really am still thinking along the lines of 'when i grow up i wanna be a...', yet again comforting myself in total oblivion that I actually have already reached that stage. I guess. oh, pants.